Locked out

Although I am trying to minimize it, I am always overthinking things. This prevented me in the past to move forward. Some times I needed to go through somewhat embarrassing experiences, to make steps, which I previously feared.

Again this is one of my experiences I like to share. If only to hope it will help you to build confidence, without having to go through a similar experience. Just after my first steps outdoor in a photoshoot, I had an opportunity to dress up as had to go to Belgium for a couple of days. During the day I would work, but at night I had time for myself in the hotel.

The first evening, I was absolutely excited to dress up and was having a great evening. I felt so comfortable and happy and I had an amazing time. Rather than a mini bar in the room the hotel had social areas on each floor with fridges filled with drinks. Although the thought made me nervous, I felt it would be amazing to get out of my room and get a drink. Basically walk around and feel free, rather than being confined in a room.

I checked my makeup, my looks and walked to the door. With my hand on the door handle, I got really nervous. Stepped back again to the mirror and checked again how I looked. I decided I looked good and then in one go walked to the door, opened it and stepped out in the hallway. Here I was, first time out on my own. I placed the key card in my purse.

Definitely nervous, but I felt more free than I ever had before. I walked to the social area and got a drink. Sat there for a while, and the hotel was quiet, so not many people walked around at that floor. After a while I went back to my room. I pulled out the key card and held it in front of the lock. Nothing happened. I checked the room number, and tried again. Again nothing happened. The key didn’t work. I had locked myself out. I hindsight I think it was because I had placed the keycard next to my phone in my purse.

Slightly panicking, as all of a sudden I realized, I would not be able to get back into my room without talking to someone. The thought of talking to someone, with my ‘male’ voice, made me feel dizzy. Yet I had to do something. I pulled all my courage together and decided to go to the reception. Liv would get the key fixed. Entering the elevator I was happy to see it was empty. The ride took long as my mind ran through all kind of scenarios of what might happen next.

At the ground floor the doors opened and I stepped out. You feel as if you are a magnet attracting the gaze of everybody, but in reality no one really pays attention. I walked up to the reception, and the clicking sound of my heels on the floor felt amazing. The reception was quiet and I walked up to the receptionist. I gave him a smile as he looked up and he asked me what he could do for me. I told him in a soft and as feminine as possible voice, that my keycard did not work. He checked my room, and last name and then reconfigured the key. Wished me a great evening and told me if there was anything I should reach out.

When I walked away, I could feel all the tension flow from my body. What a relieve. He must have absolutely known that I not a genetic woman, yet he was nice, professional and supportive. This turned out to be a huge step forward and my confidence had boosted. I believe that if you are kind, and show a bit of confidence and smile, you can come a long way.

Although I had not chosen this situation, I felt so proud I had done it and it really helped to move forward and take step to feel good about myself. Worry less about what others might think of me. I hope that if you worry about going outdoor, you find some inspiration, a moment, or an event, that helps you make the step. And to make things easier, find a friend who wants to join you. But above all believe in yourself.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s